Self-awareness profile

My name is Pablo Aguilar. I’m 18 as far as I know. I don’t know if I really am a good judge for myself. I think I might be biased.
I am proudly Mexican, from the super city Mexico City. I really don’t like to write or speak about myself. I am not the best topic for a conversation. As I am required, I will tell you now about my likes and dislikes. I like life, in a lot of ways. I like love. I like to appreciate what surrounds me. I like that refreshing breeze you go outside of a pub in the middle of the night. I like the sunset while walking over warm pavement, next to people whom I love, having an ice-cream. I find really poetic the sound of the ice cubes against the thin glass covered in the outside by freezing-cold sweat and filled with a refreshing beverage for me to share with someone. I like the way life arranges things for us to have a surprise every day. I like the way I love, and the way I am loved. I like politics and diplomacy. I like power, but then, who doesn’t?
My dislikes are specific things in life. I don’t like Crocs. I don’t like hamburgers that have ingredients that taste like plastic. I don’t like the way the keys in my keyboard take a greasy black color, different from the original one. I don’t like navy blue, or maybe I do, I don’t know, my girlfriend has changed the way I see life a bit. I don’t like orange fluorescent color, it makes me sick. I don’t like when I know I must do something, but I can’t do it for some reason.
I don’t think I have a lot of prejudices, or at least I don’t remember one of them. I don’t think I am a very talented person but I believe I am capable of achieving whatever I desire. I think my strengths are inside my brain. I have abilities with languages, philosophy and mathematics. I think I am a good public speaker, and a good leader. I try to be a comprehensive man. I try everyday to be a better person, especially for those who try to be better for me.
About my personality, I am a person with so much love to give, yet cold-hearted. Some say I am bad tempered, but I think I get as stressed as anyone may be under pressure. I am a very reflexive person, sometimes too much I think. I usually am very ironic.
Socially I am a versatile person. I think I can get along with almost any one; I try to be a comprehensive man, adjustable to the situation. Intellectually I am sure (sorry for the humbleness) that I am a very developed man. Emotionally I am, now, a successful person. I have a very successful and lovely relationship with a woman I love. I have successful relationships with my parents, my sisters, my friends. They are not perfect, not one of them; but that way I love them. I don’t know if morally I am a good or a bad person, but I am sure that I have some values that I like and that I follow as a way of life.
A memorable event in my life? Am I being charged per hour for this therapy? I don’t like living in the past, you should all stop living in the past.
A memorable event in my life could be happy or sad. But I’ll take the happy one. Once, not a long time ago I met a girl, a lovely girl to whom I became friends for reasons that may sound weird to a methodical audience. One day, I casually mentioned to her that Sir Paul McCartney was visiting Mexico and that he was giving a concert, but that sadly I had no budget and no one to go with. And she said: just leave it to me. And so I did. After an odyssey she got the tickets. One week after she got the tickets we decided we wanted to be part of each other’s life. One week after that decision that definitely changed my life, the concert had place. What a night. A night to remember. What a concert. What a person to be with. The first serious date I had with a girl, and what a date. Not only because of the date, but because of all she went through so it could happen. I will never finish to thank her.
There is something that I value above all, and that is my capacity to live. Because from that comes my capacity to love and to feel. I value what people around me do for me. I appreciate the lovely relationship I have with my girlfriend. I know that good relations don’t fall from the sky, but have got to be forged with will and understanding, and through it all I know we will be able to do it.
My family is a normal family, a regular family, just like the Monsters or the Adams. I’ll start with my father. He is 64 and he’s retired from being a psychologist specialized in human resources for over 40 years. He is currently bravely fighting against brain cancer; and he is an admirable human being for me, simply for that reason. My mother is 51 and she works for the Ministry for Education. She is a teacher, specialized in children with learning disorders. I have got to clear that she hasn’t taught a group for over 20 years. I have got two sisters, one of them, the eldest one, is 25 and she works in the marketing area for Pepsico, Mexico. She’s my half-sister, daughter only of my father. I love her very much because, although we haven’t lived together ever, she’s been an example for me in many ways. Then, I go in the middle. After myself comes my younger sister. She’s only 15. She makes laugh a lot; together we have a lot of fun. I love her a lot to. I know some might think that I’m rushing things, but I will include my girlfriend here. Now, I don’t want to be misinterpreted. I’m not saying we are getting married or having a baby, not yet. It is just not the time. And maybe this is not the place to describe what I have been through with her, but I can tell you that it has been a lot, through very dark and difficult times. I place her here, because of all she has done for me and my family. To thank her for what she has been. There are some things in life that are never thanked enough, and she’s been there to do those things.
Well, basically my life resumes (and what an executive resume) to that. I hope you do something better out of yours.

PAAR

Click! (Poema Futurista)

Tac-tac-tac, Click!
Se escucha la ovación del Madison Square Garden.
Luego de cuatro minutos, Click!
Los aplausos reaparecen en Tokyo, y el tempo cambia
Otra banda en escena y se ha violado el tiempo, el espacio.

Tac-tac-tac
El piso se ha disuelto,
Las imágenes suspendidas delante de nosotros no son más que eso.
Imágenes
Colores
El sonido sutil que emana de un pequeño pedazo de Plástico prevalece ante el mundo frente a nosotros

Instintivamente nos desconectamos
Para viajar y negar nuestra realidad y nuestro alrededor
Oscuridad es lo que nos rodea, la deliciosa Oscuridad, llena de deliciosa Soledad
Distracción, diversión, entretenimiento de la realidad. Evasión de la realidad.

Iluminada la pantalla
Programamos una lista de canciones
Ornamentos a la excusa de la evasión, la evasión de la realidad.
Dejamos llevarnos por la ovación del Madison Square Garden, Click!


Pablo Armando Aguilar Reyna

Artículo 3° (Poema dada)

exclusivísimos- IV. estados, internacional, independencia dignidad
a) Será vida educación, para recibir
política sistema las democrático, gobiernos
Toda ignorancia gratuita:
-federación, preescolar, Contribuirá educación democracia
doctrina constante nuestra conforman educación en el Distrito Federal dar
educación. nacional, defensa considerando involucrados
derechos fanatismos nuestros
todas pleno científico, como Fracción II, de independencia
comprensión en la convicción
Además
prejuicios. efectos términos
aprovechamiento primaria Será Estado. político,
completo y justicia dispuesto párrafo a
basará facultades educando, normal en régimen
artículo estructura obligatoria.
acrecentamiento aprecio segundo del esa Ejecutivo
individuos; atenderá cuanto del Artículo 3°
orientará hombres,
considerará fraternidad


Pablo Armando Aguilar Reyna

The ones that did nothing.

Where were we, when war was there?
We were here, we are still here.
I’m afraid, you know, I did only stare
Now I wish I wasn’t far, but I was near.

Now there’s peace, Paul, we should roar
Don’t you see I’m startled?
No more war, whom do you wait for?
For those brothers that fell in battle.


PAAR

Sobre estereotipos

Mañana me despertaré y haré lo que hice hoy y ayer.
El sol estará muy radiante afuera y yo (para los de afuera no tan radiante) aquí adentro leyendo.
Pero:
-¿Leyendo? ¿Por qué? ¿Soy un inadaptado?
-No.
Saldré y me encontraré con un mundo que va y vendrá y que viene y ya fue.
-¿Pero qué hago? ¿Con qué se entretienen los demás? ¿Voy al cine, al teatro, a un museo?
-No.
-¿Por qué?
-Porque no somos unos inadaptados.
-Y entonces ¿Qué hacemos?
-Vamos a ver la tele
-¿De verdad lo deseas?
-No.
-Pues vamos a leer.
-No, vamos a ver la tele.
-¿Por qué? Tú no lo quieres y yo tampoco.
-No me importa, vamos a ver la tele.
-¿Por qué?
-Porque no somos unos inadaptados.


PAAR

Eyes that meet

Solely silence;
Only that nothing more

Sinful seer:
Sought visions of unkept innocence,
Sagacious thoughts of glimpses of life.

Leave the leaf of your life,
In the threshold of mine.
You sinful seer,
See Me in solely silence.


PAAR

3 Haikus by Pablo

Naked you and me:
Perverted reality
Likes our nakedness.



Absolution, now
Redemption was yesterday,
Results; tomorrow.



That bird croons, we live
Wherever we go, he croons
Let us croon with him.


PAAR

Poem to Sinatra

In Vegas he presented
With Dean and Sammy, playing
Singing in the Palms for ever
I wish he’d lived for me to see him.

And when the night comes over
And I play him on my iPod
Lying on my bed I wonder
Who would he now sing for?

Blue Moon, I am not longer alone
His way gets a kick out of me
Strangely, he makes me feel so young
He surely is under my skin

Start spreading the news
He is in Chicago, his kind of Town
Or he’s flying to the moon
And in the Summer Wind I hear him croon.


PAAR

When life was almost in the end, she changed his life.

In a village near Las Vegas, the name of which I have no desire to call to mind, there lived not long since one of those gentlemen that keep a rusty rifle, an old uniform, a muscle car from the late forties, and a greyhound for company. This man is an old tired man, he’s in his late eighties and alone, for he had no sons nor daughters and his wife had died some twenty years before due to one terrible disease called cancer. Retired and with no ambitions he spent most of the time in his house either fixing it, repairing his car, or watching the football and drinking some good cold beer. The house of this man was the first of the town. One day a girl came knocking on the door, she was about fifteen and looked quite ragged. She looked burnt by the sun, dehydrated; her hair was long and bushy. She had scratches and stains of blood on her brunet skin. She had come from far away; she was left in the desert alone when she and her illegal immigrant parents had died in a car-crash in one of the loneliest roads in the whole of America. She asked for shelter, for help, for mercy. This man had seen worse things in war and was cold-hearted. He was old, and tired, and really didn’t care about this. If they had crashed in a road so lonely was their fault, they were probably going too fast. But this girl reminded him so much of his long-lost wife, and how when she had needed it, people had denied her help. That moved him, and he decided to intervene. He let her live with him for the next years, he became like a father to her. He helped her to get the citizenship and made her his only heir. One day he died, then, she became governor for the state of Nevada and now this cemetery, in which we are standing, carries his name.

PAAR

Computer crime.

It was quite curious; I had never expected it, well, at least not from him. It was something terrible, yet not so. It was illegal but, as far as it concerned me, it wasn’t bad. But how can I say what’s bad and what’s not? I have been convicted four times, each time with a longer sentence in prison. Some say that my crimes had become more “bloody” and “terrible” every time. I don’t believe them to be terrible nor bloody. I haven’t spilled one drop of blood, been very careful on that matter. In fact, I don’t believe them to be even crimes. But well, “society” thinks different. It is curious how this guy managed to keep such a project undercovered for so long. I’m really amazed. But well, he studied in Cambridge didn’t he? I went to Harvard and couldn’t have done it any better.
Illegal music. What a laugh! They arrested him for that? Was that the excuse
? So childish. Really sounds like a joke. They want to keep it shut for the people; so instead of saying the truth they say illegal download is the reason. But this, this really could have changed the story God is telling about us. Every human being would have been affected. Or not? Who knows I’m only making suppositions. But now the doubt comes: so much benefit this would bring to the world, the justice it might make! Such a project! Should I erase it, delete it? I think not. Or do I? I wonder how many years I will get for this. Lucky me, I got a flash memory. I plug it in one of the many USB ports the computer has. I just click on the icon of the program, Ctrl+X, then open the main directory of my flash memory, Ctrl+V. To be sure that no one else will ever see this but me I pour some petrol over the computer, the bed, the books, TV, couch, door, carpet. Then, boom.

PAAR

Chat with U.

Ok. What should I do? I’m sitting down, here, waiting for something to happen.
-Will it happen?
-No. I certainly hope it won’t.
-Do I?
-I don’t know.
-Do I care?
-No.
-So?
-I don’t know.
-I hate it, you never fuckin’ know.
-Well, that’s my godamn problem isn’t it?
-Yes, but I am you, jerk!
-True, still, I don’t give a shit.
-Ok. It’s up to you. But don’t come asking for help when you need it, ok?
-Oh, come on, the fact that I don’t give a shit doesn’t mean that I want no deal with you. I need you.
-I know you need me.
---------------------------------
-What am I doing of myself?
-If you don’t know I do not know either.
-I didn’t expect you to.
-Why do you ask me then, what are you doing of us?
-I don’t know.
-Why do you never think of us? We are one. We are the same. I’m just something you imagine to distract yourself from the outside world which undoubtedly bores you. I’m not your conscience nor your thoughts. I’m just a voice inside your head that comes and goes as you please. I’m here only to debate with you; I help you with your reflections and actions, that’s it. Outside of you I’m nothing.
---------------------------------
-Look at yourself, so fucking fat.
-I’m not that fat.
-You’re as fat as any human possibly can.
-You exaggerate too much. I’m just, let’s say, chubby.
-No, you’re not only “chubby”, you roll instead of walking.
-Shut up.
-No! Be a man for a moment and face yourself!
-I face myself.
-No you don’t! You’re a pussy and you are not able to look at your problems to the eye! You’re not able even to accept them!
-Well, tell me my flaws then!
-Your appearance for instance, that can easily be changed; you don’t care about your hygiene, your clothing, your body. That ripped shirt you’re wearing, the dirty sneakers, filthy nails, uncut and unwashed hair, you stink and you keep eating that gallon of ice cream you bought twenty minutes ago! You’re in a public place, the mall is not your house and you can’t do as you please. Be clean! Let’s not say for meeting a girl or having a friend, but for simple health!
-Well you’re right on that, what else?
-You are an intelligent man and you take advantage of the others, what makes you a complete asshole.
-I don’t care
-That’s the problem. And as you have said that for all your life there is no point for me to keep telling you your issues.
-Well don’t. I won’t change. This is the way I am and I have no interest in changing. Thank you very much.
-Ok. But you will be the same hideous and terrible person forever.
---------------------------------
-Look at that girl across the street. She’s hot, right?
-Hell yeah she is, smoking hot. Go and hit on her.
-No, I don’t think so. She’s just so... transparent.
-And what a piece o’glass, eh!
-Hahahaha.
-So will you go to her or not?
-I won’t.
-Sissy.
-Respect me, thank you very much, besides it’s a beautiful day and this coffee is excellent, nice chairs and nice view, way to go Starbucks!
-Don’t change the subject. Fuck you and you are a sissy.
-Whatever.
-Look at yourself, you are pity.
-Well that’s my problem.
-It is our problem, you animal. I am you, how many times have I got to tell you?
-A lot. That’s why you exist. That’s why I make you exist. To remind me you are I.
-Shit, that’s bad. Get a friend or something.
-You know as well as I know that I don’t like people. I suck at human relations, and I’m not really interested of being good at it.
-It’s me who you are killing, driving me mad! We need to speak to some other than ourself.
-Ok, tell me to whom shall I speak?
-To that piece of delicious and edible woman over there, damn she’s hot!
-Well but if I fail at it, it will be your fault.
-Fine, but if you succeed it will be my fault also, ok? And if you succeed it’s me who gats laid.
-Fine, there are risks I’m not willing to take but I’ll do in your behalf.
-Thanks, it won’t be overseen in the future.
-Hahaha, OK “Godfather”.
---------------------------------
-My head hurts.
-That’s because you are an idiot.
-What happened?
-You don’t remember?
-No, I don’t. Do you?
-Neither.
-Well we’ve got a problem.
-I know.
-Well, think, what happened?
-I don’t know.
-Make an effort. What happened?
-...
-What happened!?!
-I’m thinking for god’s sake!
-Ok.
-You’re an idiot.
-What? What happened?
-You screwed up with that girl last night.
-Did I?
-Yes imbecile, you already had her, she was here, she was drunk, she was willing, and you idiot started talking about your fuckin’ depressing life.
-What about it?
-What about it! What the fuck about it! You tell me what the fuck’s wrong about it.
-She left right?
-Yes jerk, she got bored and she left!
-Ok ok, I screwed up, I’m sorry you didn’t get laid, so what?
-So what? So fuckin’ what!?! Can you think my friend?
-What do you mean?
-This is the first woman you have contact with in years!
-And that means...
-You won’t have another in years again!
-You are wrong my friend, quite wrong.
-Yeah? Why?
-Because tonight we have, if not made a discovery, at least reaffirmed a theory of mine.
-What theory is that, “Chevalier Dupin”?
-The one that establishes that I can get any babe I want, whenever I want it.
-No you can’t. Last night you couldn’t.
-Yes I did make some errors, but that’s nothing more than lack of practice.
-Is that so? Then, why aren’t you a pimp?
-Because I don’t want to.
-So what the fuck does it matter that you can have any woman you desire if you don’t have any woman at all!
-It does matter, and a lot.
-How?
-It is one gift, or ability, not to sound pompous.
-That doesn’t make it relevant. I’ll give you an example: Intelligence. How is it useful to be super intelligent if you do nothing with it?
-It is not useful at all.
-Well, it’s just the same with your “mo-jo”, have I made my point?
-Unfortunately yes.
---------------------------------
-This a good book.
-Well it is fun.
-Yes it is.
-What is its name?
-Harry Potter.
-You read something that I liked in it.
-Yeah? What was it?
-One of the characters said: "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
-It is nice, yes.
-It is more than “nice”, it is important.
-How?
-I’ll explain: It says that we are what we chose, not what we have. And I would change that to: We are what we do, not what we have. Because in the end what matters is not the decision itself but the action we take on that decision. That’s what matters.
-Well you are right. Yet, if you could illustrate it it’d be much easier for me
-Simple. What you said about that girl the other night, and how you could get any babes you wanted.
-What about it?
-Seriously, are you idiot or what? Think, for fuck’s sake!
-Oh, yeah, now I get it.
-Do you?
-No.
-OK, be patient. Look, you said you had the “ability” just as that Dumbledore of yours says, but your choices-getting drunk, telling your stories, boring her-were wrong, and that is what you “are”, what you chose to do and therefore be, not what you can be.
-You’re right, and though you leave me looking like an idiot, you’re bloody right, mate.
-See! That’s all it is!
-Very simple you might say, but I’m tired of reading.
-Fine.
-Let’s go for an ice-cream.
-You will never fucking change will you?
-No.

PAAR